A lot to take in one day
A few years ago my brother died quite unexpectedly. For much of our adult lives, he and I had lived in different countries and only got together for the occasional family Christmas in our family hometown. I flew to his hometown for the funeral. It was a roller coaster day of high emotion, tears, sadness, a moving ceremony including a wonderful life celebration photo slideshow, touching family eulogies, a few funny life stories.
I hadn’t said goodbye
Despite what had been a very moving ceremony – I didn’t feel like I had properly said goodbye to my brother. The day hadn’t delivered the opportunity for me to say what I would have liked to have said, or express the feelings I had for him, to make the goodbye I would have liked.
Play it again
Over the following weeks – I longed to re-visit the service day, everything on the day had been so rushed and emotional. I particularly wanted to see my brother’s life celebration photos again. There were so many photos of him I had never seen before I wanted to put into my photo album for long-term keeping. Was this possible?
I’ll never see these people
Another big disappointment of the day, time didn’t allow me the opportunity to speak to many people there who I hadn’t seen for many years, and I realised afterwards it was highly unlikely that I would ever get to see or make contact with these people again.
Some realisations
For several weeks the grief and emotions of the loss of my brother swirled around in my head. I started to make some significant realisations out of this…..
The first was I hadn’t got the expected closure / farewell with my brother from the service day that I had expected. There needed to be a way for me to be able to make my ‘own’ personal farewell / tribute. But how, and where?
The second realisation was I was grieving alone -- it would have been really nice to be able to speak and join with others who were experiencing the same sort of emotions and feelings of loss I was. A load shared….
All my family and friends are here
Another big realisation became apparent -- the service day is a time when the greatest number of our extended family and our important friends are all together in the one place at the same time.
To have all these people together like this is often a ‘once in a lifetime’ occurrence -- yet for some strange reason we make no attempt to record this. We should. I think we should capture this very special life moment by group photography or video on the day. This would help many identify long lost friends and relatives.
Where do I go?
Out of all these realisations it became very apparent to me that here needed to be a ‘place’ at the time of a loss of a person and beyond where everyone could connect, be together, be able to share the loss. Typically, in the western world we only come together on the service day and after function, but is this one day sufficient? I don’t think so. It’s seems very out-dated in this 21st century. And why do so many of us grieve alone, especially after the service day?
My work began
I started what became three years of piecing Tributesbook together. First and foremost, I wanted to create a ‘gathering place’ for family and friends, and it had to be a place where all could participate in the passing process, contribute in any way they wanted from any location in the world.
It had to contain everything to do with the passing all in the one place including coverage of the service day as this is very important to many people who are not able to attend the service day. It became very apparent this ‘place’ had to be online.
What quickly became a primary goal was I wanted Tributesbook to be about first and foremost about people – to bring everyone together not only in respectful tribute and remembrance of the passed person, but also at this time to share and celebrate the bonds that connect us all. We are all ‘family’, connected, part of the story.
I get to say goodbye
Some weeks after the service day I received my brother’s life celebration photos shown at the service. One evening while viewing these photos -- a quiet intimate moment presented itself. I got to talk to my brother in ‘spirit’, to say the words to him I had needed to say, to make the ‘goodbye’ I had wanted to make. It was a very beautiful and healing experience. Something I needed to do.
In closing – it is my earnest and sincere hope that Tributesbook helps you with the loss of your loved one or special person. You are surrounded with lots of love and support from family and friends. It assists you with your own personal ‘farewell’ if that is what is required, or more simply as a place to pay tribute, to remember, quietly reflect, and over time heal from the loss.
Much love. God bless.
